When Psychics Screw Up

Psychic Sally Morgan takes the million dollar challenge. 

Now, I’m going to take a guess and say that Psychic Sally will not pass this test. Obviously, if I’m right, that means I’m psychic, or I’m just basing my guess on the results of every single other sceptic-approved test of self-proclaimed psychics. So far, nobody has ever passed the test and the million dollar prize goes uncollected. And while you can’t prove a negative, the continued failure of attempts to prove the positive make the existence of psychic phenomena more and more unlikely. It’s like James Randi’s Reindeer – while hurling reindeer from the Eiffel Tower does not necessarily prove that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, it does cast a certain amount of doubt on his flying around in a sleigh driven by eight flying reindeer. It also really annoys Parisians and conservationists.

But so, Sally. I don’t think she’ll make it, mainly because she is one of the most pedestrian psychics in the business at present. She’s just not that good. I wish I could remember where I read it (Possibly BadPsychics.com) but Sally did a reading for a gentleman in which she claimed he was going to meet a woman named Anna, move to New Zealand and have twins. Not outside the realms of possibility, you might think. Slightly less possible when the client had never had a relationship with a woman and had no interest in having a relationship with a woman on the grounds that he was gay. Then there was the incident of Bernard the Gender Confused Ghost – she’s just fucking hopeless.

Ditchwater Sal got her television break with a daft late night show called Star Psychic, in which she performed readings for the kind of Z-list celebrities who have their agents call heat whenever they’ve had a row with a spouse, got a new hairdo or been diagnosed with psoriasis. Now, hot-reading is easy enough, but it’s an absolute cinch when your clients are self-absorbed bucketmouths with no social filters whatsoever. Bonus points if they’re so dense they don’t even remember what privileged information they blarted out in public last week.

It’s testament to Sally’s staggering ineptitude that she managed to fuck up even while working with the easiest celebrity meat in the psychic business. In 2007 she did this reading with Big Brother winner Brian Dowling. Turned out Sally’s claim that ‘she knew of Brian Dowling’ was a bit of a porky. She knew Brian Dowling. In fact, she’d read for him before.

Sally doesn’t seem to have much luck with the Irish. Her latest fuck up occurred in Dublin and became the subject of wider interest when a caller named Sue relayed the whole gory story to RTE1’s Joe Duffy.

Throughout the exchange, Sue repeatedly states that she was baffled by how the prompter she overheard knew so much information about the people in the audience. Of course, the answer is right here on Sally’s own website.

I feel as though I should be reproducing this in the kind of sickly pink font favoured by Sal herself, but here’s the money shot, ladies and gentleman.

Throughout the show Sally will give spontaneous messages to the audience from spirit world. Get to the venue early to take full advantage of the many ways that Sally can give you a message:

* Complete one of Sally’s ‘Love Letter’ cards in the venue foyer and leave a question for Sally.

* Leave a video message on Sally’s special ‘Psychic Cam’ which she may play during the show.

* Bring a photo of a loved one passed and Sally may be able to connect with them in spirit world. Please note that due to the high volume of people photos cannot be returned. Please use copies not originals.

Get ready to be part of this psychic phenomenon…as they say seeing is believing!

It certainly is, Sally. It most certainly is.

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