“Feed me, Seymour,” she satirised

One of the hardest things is about writing a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey is trying to do justice to the said-bookisms in the original. There are pages on end in which nobody ‘says’ anything – instead they groan, mutter, murmur, mumble, squeak, shout and whisper. I find myself typing ‘says’ out of hard taught habit, but I do need some more silly said-bookisms to throw in there.

So far ‘I bowdlerise’ and ‘she interpretive-danced’ are my favourites, but I’d really welcome suggestions. Thoughts?




7 responses to ““Feed me, Seymour,” she satirised

  1. He semaphored, she defenestrated, they warbled, I stymied.

  2. Trilled. Ululated. Vajazzled (if anyone can turn that into a said-bookism it’s you). Pronounced, enunciated, declaimed (all the better if used entirely inappropriately). Bloviated.

    And don’t forget the Tom Swifties. “I’m into homosexual necrophilia”, said Tom in dead earnest.

  3. You could do a reverse Posh Nosh; if Minty and Simon can embarrass vegetables, I’m sure you could borrow some said-cookerybookisms, he sautéd gently.

    • Huh. My comment section has gone weird, but I had completely forgotten about that series! Part of me wants to believe that Richard E. Grant DIDN’T gargle olive oil, but let’s face it, he consumed worse things when filming Withnail and I. Added you on Twitter, btw. :)

      • So you have :)

        Not that you’ll see much of me on there, other than 4square checkins at pubs. Tend to mostly exist on FB these days, which is ironic given how much I loathe both them and their diseased comestain of a web environment.

  4. Vajazzled? That feels like a glovesmack. I think you’ve just given me a horrible new personal challenge.

    Oddly I didn’t spot that many Tom Swifties in Fifty Shades – naturally I was looking for them, but they’re more redundant adverbs than proper Tom Swifties. Like ‘she snaps angrily’ or ‘he whispers softly’. Bucketloads of those.

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