Category Archives: romance

Rock n’ Roll Girlfriend – Now on sale!


Well, don’t just stand there. Go and buy it.

Off you trot.


Fifty Shades of Grey – Chapter Twenty Five: In Which I Finally Lose My Mind

Chapter twenty-five starts with Ana’s mom burping out yet another string of self-help platitudes as she bids goodbye to her hellspawned daughter.

“Follow your heart, darling, and please, please – try not to overthink things. Relax and enjoy yourself. You are so young, sweetheart. You have so much of life to experience yet, just let it happen. You deserve the best of everything.” Her heartfelt words are comforting whispered in my ear.

Just in case that Hallmark pink moment above wasn’t Disney enough for you, ditz-princess Renee Carla reminds Ana that ‘you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.’ Then she promises to visit, although she probably won’t, since she couldn’t be bothered to stir herself to come to Ana’s graduation. Ana wanders aboard her flight thinking on the subject of ‘unconditional love’, and promptly pulls out her BlackBerry in order to ‘stare at it despondently’.

I know it looks like nothing is happening at this point in the book, but trust me – it’s all about to hinge on this moment. Ana is about to have one of her moments of slack-jawed revelation and we’re all about to die a little more inside. Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Fourteen – “I didn’t know I could dream sex.”

Quick reminder – this is your last chance to grab a free copy of Held before the offer ends tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far – I’ve been genuinely touched by the Amazon and Goodreads reviews for this book. It’s like everyone gets what I was trying to do, which is one of the best feelings in the world for a writer. Thank you.

Anyway, onto less fun things. Ever been hit in the clit with a riding crop? No, me neither.  Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Thirteen – Point To Schlong

Quick book plug before we get started – get your freebie on! This week only.

By the way, I have just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey (again) and I only have five more chapters to recap! Excitement. I can honestly say it gets worse with every re-read. You know how some books are so good that you see different levels of brilliance each time you read them? Like they’re so good you can’t manage to appreciate the writing, the pacing, the plotting and the twists all in one reading? Well, Fifty Shades is like that. Except instead of brilliance it’s all crap. All the way to the centre. It’s like a crap onion. Every layer is crap and the deeper you go, the more it will make you cry.

Or something like that. I don’t know. I’m kind of tired. Let’s get going, shall we? Continue reading

Free e-book! Held: A New Adult Romance

I am currently doing a free run for Held: A New Adult Romance on Amazon. This will run all this week, so if you want to grab a free copy, now’s the time to do so!

The main reason for the free run is reviews. I’ve had some lovely star ratings on Goodreads (thank you!)but I’m really hoping this free run will deliver some Amazon reviews.

It’s a busy, busy digital marketplace out there – we all know that. Particularly when it comes to fast-moving genres like romance. And I think you’d be forgiven for thinking that all recommendations these days are digital – take one look at Amazon and your ‘also boughts’ and you’re looking at the most sophisticated recommendation engine in e-commerce. There’s a reason they’re the market leader.

So – say you’re browsing, right? You look at the books Amazon has recommended based on your previous choices. What’s the first thing you look at?

I know what I look at first – reviews. Is it weird to read the one star reviews first? Because I always do that. But even from the bad reviews, I begin to get a real idea of what I’m thinking of buying. Even as deep in the digital age as we are, I still believe there’s a place for good old fashioned word-of-mouth – it remains the most effective way for people to decide if they want to buy a book.

This is essentially why I’m doing this free-run this week – your opinions really do matter. There’s no substitute for them, for that wild, open, lively back and forth that has become so effortless to us online. You can’t beat that human touch, especially when you’re talking about stories – things that by their very essence are designed to move us in some way. This is why fiction itself is older than even the written word. It’s about feelings, about emotions and opinions – and not even Amazon’s astonishing engine can provide a substitute for that.

Although they are probably working on it.

Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Five – The One Where She Gets Kidnapped

Welcome back to my readalong of Fifty Shades of Grey, a book that may very well be the worst bestseller of all time. Yes, we all know Stieg Larson needed an editor and Dan Brown’s novels were pretty damn silly, but at least if this was a Dan Brown someone would be face down in the squid tank by now and someone else would have left a cryptic message using their own internal organs. (You’d think kidneys would make handy punctuation marks, wouldn’t you?)

Before we press on, I would just like to remind you that my new novel Held: A New Adult Romance is still available for only 0.99 in the Kindle Store. Sale ends soon, so don’t miss out. And in slightly more relevant news, you can now own a Kindle copy of Fifty Shades of Neigh for the same super low price – 0.99.

And now on with the recap. You might want a nice strong cup of tea and a blanket on standby for this one. Because oh boy – this guy’s a weirdo. Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Four – Fifty Shades Drunker

Hello once again. Just a quick reminder before we get onto the recap – my pseud’s new novel Held: A New Adult Romance is currently only 0.99 in the Kindle store, so please pass the link on to all of your book bargain-hunting friends. I know price is a big consideration for people who read three or four books a week, which is why I refuse to believe that 0.99 e-books are dead. And why not grab one yourself while you’re at it? If you’ll hate Fifty Shades of Grey, you’ll like it – it’s a book where stalky, unpleasant and controlling men get exactly what’s coming to them.

Unlike Fifty Shades. Yikes. Strap yourselves in, boys and girls. This one’s about to get creepy.

We last left Ana – and the last few sad rags of her pitiful self-esteem – cradled in Christian Grey’s manly arms. She wants him to kiss her and he isn’t going to, mostly because he is a practitioner of really poorly researched S&M and is clearly too dark and edgy for our poor little vanilla sap of a heroine.

Avanti. Continue reading